resolve to just be

As the new year begins its nascent days, I’ve been thinking a lot about resolutions. What will I make of this (God-willing) next full year of my life? What will I change? How will I make a difference? How will I do something that matters?

Like many, I’ve spent a majority of my young-adult life trying to figure out what/who I am, and also wishing I could change things about myself or my life. For the past few years especially after leaving the classroom, I have wanted to be a blogger, a fitness instructor, a freelance writer. Instead, I find myself currently as a stay-at-home mom with a small side gig, including a bit of writing here and there. However, this year, at 31, I’m resolving to just be me, but the best version of me that I can muster. I’m going to Sheryl Sanberg this life that finds me in the throes of young motherhood, and just lean in to my world instead of trying to fashion it into something it is not.

So, I’m never going to be a blogger. My track record on here is less than stellar by any sense. I’m probably never going to be a full-time freelance writer, either. I truly love it and have been very fortunate with the small opportunities I have had to have my writing published, but it just isn’t something I am sitting down to spend time to pursue.

I might someday be a fitness instructor for a class or two. My passion for exercise lends me to believe it is something I could do in some capacity. But, probably not this year.

But here’s what I AM going to be:

-the best mother and wife that I can be. That means being tuned in and attentive to Lydia and Jim, and, definitely, putting the smartphone on the back burner. I have found myself often grabbing my phone in moments when I should be engaging with my family, and it’s something that I am cognizant of and want to change. They both deserve my 100 percent when we are together.

-more serious about my faith journey. When I taught at St. Francis, my faith life was so rich. I was fueling it with focused, attentive, and specific time spent in prayer, adoration, weekday masses, going to confession, and discussing Catholicism with my students and colleagues. Of the countless things I miss about SF, this is undoubtedly at the top. I plan to make it a priority again by going back to daily Bible readings, praying more with Jim and Lydia, going to confession, and hopefully (possibly) going on some sort of retreat.

-active in the educational world. I don’t have to seek another avenue of employment, but I DO need to pursue my intended career with vigor, especially if I get back into it when we move this summer. With that said and with Jim’s loving nudge, I am going to FINISH my master’s degree this spring! It will be a huge relief to have that goal attained and might potentially open doors to other careers in education.

I don’t need to constantly seek change in my life or wish for something else. I am blessed beyond belief by this life I have been given, and it would be a tragedy to spend the rest of it wishing and waiting for something else. I’m looking forward to being more myself in 2018, the best version of it, and embracing all that I have already been given.

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